currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize