i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
