dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
