We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize