k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
