i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
