We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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