The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
