youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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