there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
