I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
