So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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