I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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