Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
