Just cropdusted the office
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
