so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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