I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
do nipples grow back?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
