Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
