The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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