Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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