made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm passing your future prison.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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