just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
did i just pee glitter
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
