my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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