I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
