I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
