you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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