Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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