I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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