i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
