I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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