just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
