I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
