Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize