i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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