marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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