I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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