i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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