Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
