Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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