i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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