I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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