I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
