I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I cannot find my penis.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
