Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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