Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
