One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize