Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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