NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
