I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
