Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
