fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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