clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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