believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I know her cup size but not her name....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
