Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
