I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dear god my vagina.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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