What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
