just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
