Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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