i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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