your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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