i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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