I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sext me about skeletons
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
