maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize