at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
