I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize