Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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